Finding My Way

1. Fast White Bread, 2. Farmers' Market, 3. Flower Shop, 4. Bicycles and Flowers

I've been thinking a lot lately, about quite a few different things. That seems to be the theme of the year, at least so far. I've been thinking about dreams, about the life I want to live, and about the life I'm living now. The life I'm living now is a far cry from how I want to live. Some of it is this city, I'm a small town (or at least small city) girl at heart. I crave a deliberate life. A life where I know my neighbors and stop to chat with people on the street. I crave a life where I can walk down the streets of my neighbor and not fear who might be lurking around the corner. I crave fresh air and being able to see the stars at night. Unfortunately craving those things has impaired my ability to make my life here as good as it possibly can be. I spend my time dreaming of what-if's when I could be making the most of where I am now. Life doesn't have a pause button.

Since I am unable to move both now and in the immediate future I am going to do my best to stop focusing so much on the future. I am going to immerse myself in the present and bring in the little moments that I crave so dearly. I don't need to live in the country to bake fresh bread every week. I don't need a huge garden to be surrounded by fresh flowers. I can start living a more deliberate life this very moment. I don't know why it's taken me so long to come to this realization, but it hit me only just recently. It's not that I haven't been doing this sort of thing at all, but instead of surrounding myself with these sorts of things everyday I end up clinging to those moments as islands in a sea of frustration.

I want to be more deliberate with my choices. I want to bring only things that I absolutely adore into my life, instead of settling on sales and impulses. I want to live more naturally, less preservatives and more homemade. I want to support others who share these passions through purchasing things that are handmade or in a personally owned shop. I want to share my passion for life. I want to stop being so afraid... of everything. I want to embrace the world with open arms. I want to embrace my inner optimism.

Thank you for being here with me and for giving me a place where I can feel comfortable baring these parts of myself. I know that I have the tendency to hide these parts of myself away, and a first step to filling more fulfilled in my life is for me to start sharing all parts of my soul. Even the confused and frustrated and lonely ones. I also want to thank you for the positive feedback to my writing piece 'Her Secret World' a while ago, that's the first time I've shared my writing in a public place in a long time and it's something I look forward to doing more of.